Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
