Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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