If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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