i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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