My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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