One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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