Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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