whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
