Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
