I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
