he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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