He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
did i walk over a car last night?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i need some magic done to my vagina
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
