At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
