why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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