I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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