As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
