Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
