I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
