who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
