gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
