I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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