my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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