he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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