you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
only if we run a train.
done.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
