good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
