Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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