the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
