Pappa wants mamma naked
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
