Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
