my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
