OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
