I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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