she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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