I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize