Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
