If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize