this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
