they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
