Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
