I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
