a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
