shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
