This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize