Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Terrible idea I love it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
