If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
