I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
