Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
