You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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