Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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