would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
