i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
