I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
