im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
