I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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