put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
