I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
