North Korea, Best Korea!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
try to milk me bitch
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