Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can text with my tongue
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Let's paint friendship bongs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
