i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
