Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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