she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
