I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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