i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
