I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
