Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
