my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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