lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
