I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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