he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
