How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
