Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
