apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
